Time to return down the rabbit gap…
Holly Madison has opened up earlier than about her time within the Playboy mansion, notably in her hit memoir Down the Rabbit Gap: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny. It was so juicy they’re even making a limited series biopic about it!
So any time she’s keen to spill extra tea, we’re all bunny ears. And in a go to this week to the Call Her Daddy podcast, that’s simply what was on the menu.
The Peep Present creator talked about what’s develop into of her relationships with fellow Playboy fashions, revealed what made exes Hugh Hefner and Criss Angel so comparable, and naturally gave us an excellent higher look into what it meant to attain the dream of so many naive younger ladies — and the way it was extra of a nightmare.
The Women Subsequent Door Right this moment
One factor loads of followers is perhaps most inquisitive about is Holly’s relationship with the OTHER two girlfriends from her time with Hef — Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt. Drama among the many three wasn’t precisely a secret — in spite of everything it was the idea of a actuality present that ran on E! for 5 years!
However is she nonetheless in contact together with her Women Subsequent Door co-stars? She answered very particularly:
“Bridget and I’ve at all times been shut. We’ve at all times been associates since day one. She is [the sweetest].”
Awww, that’s good to listen to! We truly sort of figured she’d tried to place that complete scene behind her, together with Bridget. To listen to they’re nonetheless good warms the center.
However clearly the hosts needed to ask if she additionally has any sort of relationship with Kendra, to which Holly replied matter-of-factly:
Truthful sufficient! LOLz!
However let’s make a journey down reminiscence lane, we could? Again to the place it began… the bed room.
The First Evening
Holly described that first hookup in her e book, however this was one other tackle it. On this case she talked about how the one resolution to let this man hit it emotionally locked her in for SEVEN YEARS!
She remembered feeling the stress to go all the way in which rapidly, saying:
“Everyone would go upstairs and principally all people would have s*x and I didn’t know what to anticipate. I believe I had the sensation that, that is my first evening out, perhaps I gained’t be anticipated to do something my first evening. However then after I bought up there, I used to be so wasted and thrown into it, that after it was performed, there was one thing concerning the expertise that made me really feel very uncontrolled.”
“For me, I’m already on this determined state of affairs and I’d already thought residing on the mansion could be an answer to my issues. I believe I felt if I had been simply to go away that evening and by no means come again, I might have felt actually used and actually chewed up and spit out.”
So it appears like she felt like she had already been exploited at that time — so she could as effectively get the profit?
One other Playmate lately got here ahead saying Hefner didn’t really sleep with all the girls, however Holly flat-out denies that. In reality, she made it clear anybody who stayed within the Mansion DEFINITELY needed to put out for the privilege:
“I needed to sleep with him first. I’m not attempting to slut disgrace anyone or something however no one ever bought requested to maneuver in except they’d slept with him.”
Sadly, transferring in didn’t find yourself being every part she’d hoped for both…
Falling For It
Holly says she didn’t actually have the vocabulary for it on the time, and even years later when she wrote her e book, however she acknowledges now that Hef’s M.O. to get ladies right into a relationship was all of the “love bombing” and sweetness up entrance which are “are tremendous cliche of groomers” as of late.
However to that 21-year-old woman, him telling her she was “actually particular” labored.
Nonetheless, she didn’t get the primary girlfriend function due to how particular she was. She says the opposite ladies “pushed” her into it.
“No one wished it. At first I used to be flattered by it… I felt like I used to be actually particular. In the meantime, all people else had been there lengthy sufficient to know what the deal was.”
The deal was having to maneuver into Hef’s room — which meant an excellent tighter leash, a smaller cage. But it surely wasn’t simply Hef she needed to fear about — his thoughts video games, enjoying the ladies off of each other, meant she needed to watch her again from either side:
“Then all people turned on me not lengthy after as a result of Hef realized he may use my good conduct as a comparability for the opposite ladies. Why can’t you simply behave like Holly does? Then they hated me. They had been like, let’s get this bitch out of right here.”
In reality, she recollects the ladies at all times being at one another’s throats; as an alternative of outnumbering the person for energy, they had been simply struggling in opposition to each other consistently:
“It was actually cutthroat, no one bought alongside, all people tried to snitch on the opposite… No one actually needs to assist anyone out. Everyone needs a centerfold or extra money.”
She says it was “horrendous” her first few years there. And it solely bought worse…
‘Boring Fundamental S*x’
OK, clearly everybody needs to know what s*x with Hef was like. We imply, he was a legend, he was with numerous stunning ladies for years, absolutely he will need to have been an A+ lover, proper?
Really, no, not less than not in response to Holly.
She’s spilled earlier than, in her memoir, concerning the TVs enjoying porn whereas the ladies pretended to be eager about each other. However there’s extra to it than that.
First there have been the Quaaludes, which Holly says she watched Hef hand out like sweet to ladies “for years”. He infamously referred to them as “thigh openers.” So stylish. Whereas Holly didn’t partake of the tougher medicine, she did say she numbed herself with alcohol and may’t “bear in mind a time within the bed room I wasn’t wasted.” In reality, she says, she was at all times “too tousled” to orgasm with Hef. Not that he put within the work.
No, Holly says Hef would NEVER “pleasure” the ladies, when you get her which means, and in reality would simply lay again and allow them to do the work. As she describes it, ultimately, for all of the pomp and circumstance, it wasn’t even that kinky — simply “boring primary s*x.”
She does assume looking back the septuagenarian’s “obsession with younger ladies was semi-gross” — particularly when paired with the actual fact he had a “fixation” on how they had been groomed. Particularly:
“He would get mad if any person wasn’t shaved.”
What concerning the penis? The Hef penis? Sorry to disappoint, however Holly says it “was similar to, regular.” Boo! So boring certainly!
Infants With Hef?
Holly instructed the crew how grateful she was that she by no means bought pregnant — which she is bound was due to his superior age — he was 75 once they met.
“I knew it was due to him. I used to be wholesome. He was simply too previous. Thank god.”
However for some time she did strive. Why? She had dedicated herself to Hef, and he or she was following by means of:
“I believed that is my final cease, if I need to have children, I’m going to strive. I used to be like, okay, if I’m not going to have children right here, that is one thing I want to consider. This is sort of a dying sentence.”
She’s grateful that way of thinking — which stored her a stored lady for years — didn’t in the end lead to being pregnant although, or else it will have been much more everlasting:
“Once I had first gotten into that state of affairs and one thing occurred in my thoughts that first evening I had intercourse the place I felt like, ‘Okay I did that. I like breached my very own boundaries and I wasn’t comfy with it. Now I’ve to make this example into one thing.’ I nearly locked myself into this field in a manner.”
Life At The Mansion
That field was little greater than a cage lined with pink, plushy pillows. Holly described what a nightmare it truly was being there. “Pets” could have been the opposite magazine’s factor, however that’s undoubtedly how Hef handled the ladies, in response to Holly:
“I’ve seen folks are available 5 minutes after 9pm curfew and dress down by him.”
Curfew?! Yep. Like they had been youngsters, and he was their mum or dad. So gross. However that didn’t cease all these younger ladies from going out and sowing their wild oats.
Holly revealed when she first moved in, there have been six different ladies residing there, together with her predecessor as Hef’s primary woman, Tina Jordan. A number of of these ladies, because it turned out, had been “relationship different folks on the facet” — and when he came upon, Hef bought “tremendous jealous.”
Holly says she personally witnessed the mendacity as one woman (she wouldn’t say who) instructed Hef she was going to go to household when she was “actually f**king Child Rock or one thing.” KID ROCK?! How mortifying! For everybody concerned, actually…
We guess it was after that debacle that he began cracking down much more. Holly confirmed Hef was insanely jealous and controlling. Not solely did the ladies have a curfew, even Hef was “very selective about how he curated his buddy crew” in order to not give them any temptation to sleep with the opposite males who visited. Holly revealed his technique was by no means to have youthful guys round:
“He was at all times actually cautious about having different older males round.”
Sadly it wasn’t all jealousy.
Holly additionally described Hef as being a merciless accomplice, when you may even name him that. She truly bought suicidal at instances whereas residing with him and took antidepressants for years. That mixed with the alcohol, and Holly says she truly bought so numb her “mind felt slower” after some time.
“I believe it was a part of being nervous, partly doubting myself, partly being on this setting the place I used to be at all times ingesting and my thoughts was by no means stimulated. I used to be sort of at all times in concern of getting sabotaged by different ladies, getting kicked out, him yelling at me or embarrassing me in entrance of different folks.”
Gross. Holly can see it on her personal face when taking a look at herself on TV, too:
“Once I look again at Women Subsequent Door, particularly the primary few seasons, I see myself simply coping. I used to be actually stiff and never open and similar to a robotic and saying the kind of issues I felt Hef would need me to say and issues that made him look good. I can’t actually don’t remorse that as a result of I don’t understand how else I might have coped. Now, I’m extra myself and extra open. I couldn’t have stated what I used to be actually saying or feeling, it will have been lower. I used to be tremendous guarded and tremendous nervous about placing my personal life out into the general public.”
Why She Lastly Left
Holly says she knew she wasn’t pleased for a while. However that didn’t imply simply chopping and operating — she’s not that sort of gal:
“I made a dedication to be with him and we talked about being collectively for the remainder of his life. I felt slightly responsible about leaving.”
Nonetheless, the children factor was a significant dealbreaker, much more highly effective than his maintain over her:
“However after I realized I wasn’t going to have the ability to have children with him, that was an enormous factor … and my melancholy was coming again and he would go and ask Bridget why I used to be depressed and he wouldn’t ask me. It was simply actually bizarre.”
But it surely was across the time the opposite ladies had been leaving that issues bought the worst:
“As all people was leaving, I began to comprehend it’s simply me and Hef, he began lashing out at me extra. I don’t know if he was simply careworn … I do know issues weren’t so nice financially for him, perhaps he had some stress, or didn’t have the video games of pitting the three of us in opposition to one another anymore. He began lashing out for actually silly issues and I simply realized I can’t be right here.”
Yep. In any case these years it lastly hit her:
“This man is an a**gap, I can’t keep right here.”
However there was one different huge think about driving her to go away Hefner. She didn’t need to develop into a cheater — however there was a man on the market she simply couldn’t get out of her thoughts… freak.
Mindfreak. It’s Criss Angel. You get it.
If you happen to thought the Hugh Hefner relationship was dangerous, not less than Holly will say his identify out loud. She’ll solely seek advice from her magician ex as “He Who Will Not Be Named”! LOLz!
She instructed the Name Her Daddy crew:
“Once I left the mansion, I bought sucked into one other relationship that was actually dangerous.”
She says Angel bought maintain of her the identical manner Hef did:
“I used to be so prepared mentally to be unbiased, however it was one other love bombing relationship and I simply fell into that.”
Fortunately it was quickly sufficient that she was in a position to acknowledge the patterns — and ensure she didn’t get caught for one more seven years!
“I used to be given one other relationship of the Hef relationship simply with a youthful individual and with out the culty-type state of affairs round it… I actually really feel like that was actually despatched to me by the universe to be this last dot on the I, to be like, okay you must by no means be in a relationship like this once more”
Fortunately it appears like Holly discovered what she wanted to. And hey, that’s what your 20s are for, proper?
What has shocked YOU probably the most about Holly’s recollections of her time on the Playboy Mansion?? You may hearken to the total convo HERE.
[Image via Chris Connor/Rachel Worth/WENN.]